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The most bizarre writer deaths

Hello Folks! Writers are crazy people. I’m not even kidding when I say that. They do stupid things. They die stupid ways. Want proof? Exclusively for my beloved readers, I did some research and made a compilation of the weirdest ways in which famous writers kicked the bucket.

1. Sylvia Plath

You might be wondering why this beautiful and talented poet is placed at the top of my list. Well, I’ll tell you why. It’s because she killed herself by planting her head inside her oven and gassing herself to death. No kidding. Legend says that she stuffed wet cloths to seal her kitchen door from the room in which her innocent children peacefully slept. She even wrote a note to her neighbor asking him to call her doctor. God knows why. Baking cookies was just too mainstream for her.

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2. Thomas Merton

This poor fellow was out attending a conference in Bangkok. Little did he know it would end up being his last. Apparently, he was taking a bath when he had an inexplicable urge to adjust a fan. Forgetting that he was..well, taking a bath, he got himself accidentally electrocuted by an exposed wire. And writers were supposed to be geniuses.

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3. Sherwood Anderson

On a cruise to South America, this gentleman swallowed one whole toothpick while gorging on the olive of a martini. Little did he know that would end up being the last olive he gorged on. The toothpick damaged his internal organs and Anderson died of infection. My take is that he was better off without that olive.

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4. Aeschylus

Well there isn’t really much proof available but I don’t think anyone could make stuff like that up. It is said that this ancient Greek tragedian was a victim of a tortoise. Kind of.  What happened was, an eagle carrying a tortoise and looking for a spot to burst its shell open mistook Aeschylus’ bald head for a rock and smashed the creature on it, killing the poor guy on the spot. I always thought bald heads were a bad idea.

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5. Tennessee Williams

This famous writer was a victim of his substance abuse. It is said that he mistakenly ingested the cap of a bottle of eye drops, but couldn’t cough it back up due to his subdued gag reflex (thanks to various pills and wine bottles found in his vicinity). Stay sober, kids. You could so easily choke on bottle caps. Death is everywhere

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6. Julien Offray de La Mettrie

This French Philosopher died because he was a foodie. Literally. He ate a little too many pâte de faisan aux truffles (truffles, in case you didn’t get that fancy word) and ended up dying due to some gastric disease that developed as an aftermath of all that over-eating. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach but so is his way into the light.

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7. Gustav Kobbé

Now this was one tragic death. The American author was pretty fond of sailing and it was while he was on one such rendezvous with the sea that he got hit by a seaplane, swooping down for a landing. Poor fellow died instantly.

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How a visit to the dentist ruined my life

Hello Folks!

In response to the Weekly Writing Challenge which required something humorous, I decided to share a story I had kept hidden in the depths of my heart for a very long time.

It was a pretty Sunday and my father decided to take me to the dentist simply because it had been a while since I visited one. Obviously I hated the idea like every normal kid in the world. What’s worse, he isn’t the let’s-get-you-an-ice-cream-cuz-you-just-visited-the-dentist kinda dad either. What’s even worse, I was 16 and I still had an embarrassing habit of violently restraining the dentist’s hand the moment it advanced towards my mouth.  But all that is not what scared me. What scared me was the fact that the only dentist my father trusted enough lived a long way from my house. And my father believes in a frugal lifestyle where one does not simply waste precious pennies on public transport unless it is absolutely necessary. He believes in walking for the better part of the journey. And I can assure you he didn’t give a damn about his daughter’s tender feet which could easily get tired.

Anyway, we ate our breakfast and set out towards our destination – the dentist. And we did exactly what I had feared. We boarded one bus, walked some distance, boarded another one, walked some more distance, took the metro, walked some more…

Wait a second. My life-shattering moment was on the way to the metro. So we got off the second bus and were walking (me struggling) towards the metro station. Despite my most sincere protests my father made me walk the whole way from the bus stand to the metro station, which I can assure you is not less. Plus, my father’s 15,000 km/hr speed made me exhaust all my strength in an attempt to keep up with him. As a result, I was so tired from the ordeal that I could barely see where we were going. So I blindly followed him without a care in the world for where he took me. Of course, he couldn’t care less about what I was going through. As long as he took me to the dentist without me getting lost on the way or trampled by a vehicle, he was a successful father.

Where was I? Yeah..so I was following him blindly and dazedly and suddenly I found myself walking through the metal detector after him. Oh, I mean the MEN’S metal detector. What else is left to say? There I stood, in the men’s section, faced by a huge man who was running his detector down every man’s body. Too bad I only snapped out of my daze when I realized that I was standing before a strange man who had his hand raised to check me up and down, obviously expecting a man. He was as dumbfounded as I was and could say no more than a perplexed but amused “Madam?”.

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It suddenly felt like every eye in the world was on me, heating my face up with its glare. I do not have to explain the extent of my embarrassment, do I? Without a word (I couldn’t have moved my tongue with a gun pointed at my head), I side-stepped the man and his still raised hand with a nonchalance that suggested I did this every other day, and followed my father (not at all blindly) who was walking ahead of me, as clueless as a lamb. He just had no idea. And he still doesn’t.

I think I heard some laughter behind.

Too shocked to open my mouth, I just stood wide-eyed behind my father, waiting for the metro. My heart beat faster than a hummingbird.

No, even after so much time I CANNOT look back at that incident and laugh about it. But I guessed you might. Did you?

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Dream Home Checklist

In response to today’s Daily Prompt, if I suddenly had the chance to build my dream home, I think I would be pretty humble about it. Maybe even give away my winnings to charity. I am quite satisfied with what I have. Although I might just want a thing or two for myself…

Now there are actually quite a few things I’d want for my dream home, now that I think of it. Most of them are fairly obvious, like a large pool in the backyard in which a boat, which is hanging overhead, swings from side to side like a pendulum. Others are quite unusual demands, like a non-scary ghost-less basement.

An obvious wish would be an automatic cleaning service. As in, some sort of magical vacuum cleaner-shaped device that follows you around and cleans up after you. It will also take care of spider-webs, garbage, dust and clothes lying around. Automatically, of course.

Now all those (and I assume there are many) who have a fantasy of deadly, high voltage electric fences lining their houses will agree with me on this- they rock! Anyone who tries to be a smart-ass and climb them and enter without permission? Dies. Anyone who tries to steal oranges from the giant orchard in your backyard (it is pretty obvious there will be an orchard)? Dies. Any stupid kid trying to climb over and retrieve the stupid ball he stupidly threw over to your house? Dies. Cool, huh?

There could be nothing else to want after that, right?

Oh wait. Then there is again the obvious What-to-wear-today system which works on complex algorithms to calculate what you will be wearing on a particular day, since you are obviously too busy to decide it on your own. Imagine the stress of waking up every morning and on top of every other hardship the world offers, having to remember what you wore throughout the past month/year and then decide what will be the most un-repeated, appropriate outfit to be worn that day. Thanks to the What-to-wear-today system, that task will no longer be another stress. Teehee.

There is another thing that I want. It is an unusual request and I don’t really think many of you would want it. But it is something that has to be in my dream home. I want there to be a bathroom where you cannot slip. An Unslippable Bathroom. Because seriously? Singing your favorite song and dancing in the shower and then slipping and breaking your neck is way overrated. I do not like those kind of things. So there.

Speaking of bathrooms, did I mention the very obvious little vent beside the bathtub which provides the most delicious breakfast while you are in the middle of a bath? Automatically, of course. A nice book alongside the breakfast would be appreciated.

And then there is the fully automatic refrigerator that does the lovely task of informing us of any diminishing stuff in advance. There’s nothing wrong with it preparing a grocery list for us as well. It’s actually pretty obvious, if you think about it.

That would be all.

Oh wait. There should be a secret chamber. With those password-protected doorways and all. I don’t know what will be in that chamber but it should be there.

And speaking of chambers, I’d like the bathroom to have one which is on wheels. Because how else would it sense (with its sensors, duh) that we need its services and it is required to stroll over to us in our time of need so that we don’t have to leave our valuable work just to go and uh…lighten up? Also, it would have an automatic powder system which would sprinkle lavender talc on our..uh..behinds. That was actually pretty obvious.

So then that would be all. Not much, if you think about it. The rest can go to charity.

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The One (Song)

Hello Folks!

In response to today’s Daily Prompt: Earworm, I’d say the song stuck in my head is Sweet Child O’ Mine, by Guns N’ Roses.

The first time I heard this song it was by mistake. Maybe it was destiny. Serendipity. Maybe this song and I were meant to cross paths. Maybe we all have a song waiting to be listened to. While you do whatever it is that you do, there could be a musician right now working on a song you are bound to listen to. You are doing whatever it is you do, without knowing that such a song even exists. And the song, yet to be born, is unaware of your existence. Maybe it’s just a few lines long yet. Maybe right now it’s just a couple of keys tapped on a piano or a few strings plucked on a guitar. Maybe it’s just a quote that has found a tune of its own. Maybe it’s just a beat on a drum, whistle through a flute or a melancholy melody accidentally discovered. You wouldn’t know, for you are yet to listen to it. But it’s out there, getting ready to tickle your eardrums with its notes. And when it IS ready, the universe will throw it in your way in any number of ways. You could meet it while on the subway, while eavesdropping on someone else’s playlist. You could meet it while watching TV. You could meet it when a friend introduces it to you, unaware of the role he is playing in the giant game fate has planned out. You could meet it while it is blaring out of a car window and you are innocently walking towards wherever it is you walk towards. And when you do meet it, it will stop you in your tracks. You will forget everything for a second, and just listen to it. It will be like a piece of puzzle that had been missing for so long had finally attached itself. And you’d keep listening. You’d keep exploring each note, each lyric, till there’s nothing left. And you’d know that this is the song you’d be listening to for the rest of your life.

I’m sorry, did I wander and get off point? LOL

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How the barter system would give me an early death

Hello Folks!

Today’s Daily Prompt on how I would fare on a barter system got me thinking.

If the world worked on barter…well, I think I would suck. I mean, what would I say? Let me give you a book review in exchange for a sandwich? Actually, that could work. Or no, it won’t. People can go buy their own books and review them. They don’t need to pay for the shitty opinion of a shitty girl. I’m actually pretty confused as to how a barter system would work. Will we exchange food for food? That doesn’t make sense. What if I really need a sandwich but the seller doesn’t need what I have to offer in return? I could so very easily starve. And what if someone does like what I have to sell but I don’t like the blanket they are offering in return?

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I think I get it. I could always buy the blanket and sell it to someone who wants a blanket in exchange for a sandwich. But this could take years. How do I find someone who wants my stuff in exchange for what I want? For all I know, there could be a guy a few blocks away with a big, shiny, sandwich maker in his hands, pining for the blanket I acquired and then there would be me, looking all around the world for a sandwich. By the time the guy realizes that there’s someone a few blocks away who can sell him said blanket in return for said sandwich, I would have died of starvation and undernourishment.

Needless to say, I wouldn’t fare too well on the barter system.

Would you?

Picture from https://sites.google.com/site/paritaparekhcommece

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THE WEIRDEST SHIT I STUMBLED UPON

Hello Folks!

How many of you are loyal stumblers on Stumble Upon? I know I am. And it was while stumbling through the site that I came across many things whose existence I couldn’t have known of in a million years. So I compiled a list of the weirdest of them. Here it goes (drum roll please)-

The weirdest shit I stumbled upon

1. Spiderweb cocooned trees, Pakistan       Image

If we didn’t know what that shiny silky thing draping the branches was, we might even have called these beautiful. But now that we know what it is (spiders! spiders! spiders!), there is no chance we’d be going anywhere near those trees. As if a corner of our room wasn’t a good enough home for THEM.

2. Star-nosed mole

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When I first saw it, it looked to me like a mixture of a miniature chimpanzee and…well, I don’t know, an alien?

3. The Sedlec Ossuary

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This is a mansion decorated with REAL skeletons. No, I’m not spending a single night there so don’t even try.

4. Trees of a forest in Poland

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Are these supposed to be dancing to Michael Jackson?

5. The Mantis Shrimp

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This friendly looking little creature is capable of striking its prey with a force of 1500 Newtons. In less than 1/3000 seconds. I don’t want to be that prey.

6. Shimmering Vaadhoo shores, Maldives

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Yes, they are definitely beautiful.

7. Saiga

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Goat? Elephant? What is this thing?

So which one did you find the weirdest?

Photos-

http://www.whitleyaward.org

http://www.themost10.com

http://www.nature-pictures.info

http://www.life-sea.blogspot.in

http://www.oddstuffmagazine.com

http://www.moolf.com

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Let’s exchange ears!

Hello Folks!

I hope you all are doing well.

OK so this will probably be my smallest post yet but I just HAVE to share this.

I’d be going back to college in a week. So today my little brother, anxious to see me go after spending the entire vacation with me, affectionately said “Why don’t you give me an ear of yours which I’ll stick on my face and in return I can give you one of mine which you can stick on YOUR face?”. His bright eyes looked up at me hopefully.

And he smiled sweetly. In the ‘Isn’t it the most amazing idea in the world?’ way.

Call me crazy, but I could literally picture him trying to pry off his ear with a knife and then attaching my pried-off ear there with a glue stick. Which, to be honest, I find gross. No matter how cute he is.

Because exchanging numbers is too mainstream. Let’s exchange ears!